Monday, August 29, 2011

Ramzan (Ramadan) Highlights.


After thirty days of fasting and steadfastly looting people in broad day light it’s time to celebrate a day of happiness i.e Eid.  It’s a blessed day as mosques are spacious and empty once again, people are now back to lying, cheating and stealing once again without using the name of God anymore. I write strictly with the Pakistani perspective not because the rest of the world is shit free but when you yourself are in shit of your own you don’t get to squeeze your nose and raise fingers towards others.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Curious Case of Chicken and Mutton.

Being a muslim, one of the great benefits apart from being guaranteed a spot in heaven is that one can eat meat. We simply can't live without it. We will do whatever it takes to get our hands on some 'Halal' meat. Like Eid is coming, it's a day of festivities and celebrations so you go out on the street and it seems like it's a month of looting going on. The police guys are looting the public transport 'walas', the 'Rehri pay sabzi wala' is looting our moms, wives ('izzat nahin paisey'), the tailors are looting all in their grasp, the shopkeepers are having eid before eid and so on. This way everyone will have 'Gosht' (meat) on their table on the day when we stop offering the 'fajar' prayer i.e Eid day.

I don't know what it is in meat, that has all of us going crazy about it. I mean imagine an 'Aftar' with no meat in it? That sounds Hindu to be honest. It got to have some leg piece some thigh piece or if you are more of a materialistic then the chest piece. The mere reference to 'Raan' or a 'Champ' gets the adrenaline gushing through the veins. 

But then starts the eternal debate of white meat vs red meat. This for me is not just 'A' debate of food choices, it's a debate of morals, values, principles and beliefs. It's a classic case of left vs right. Yes it is. Ever heard a 'Molvi' saying 'Oh no mutton please, it's smelly i only eat chicken'??? Similarly ever heard a Yo boy according to whom the biggest problem in Pakistan is Gay rights (the lack of them i mean) say "Chicken??? That's for woman, man!!!" If your answer is No which it should be then you gotta agree. Chicken and Mutton divide our society into two i.e Left and right. 

For starters what the fuck is white meat anyways? How can meat be white? That is pure racism. That's a british conspiracy according to me just to say that 'Chics are white'. Anyways those who only eat chicken would say that they eat chicken because it's not smelly like other meats. It's easy to cook. Moreover that's what all the cool people do. I have nothing against chicken to be honest. I eat it a lot too. I mean how can I be against a bird that can't even fly. I have nothing but well wishes for the chicken and chics who eat it.

For those who only eat red meat (very few). Who is funding you niggas? By the way goat like a lot of other mammals is a disgraceful animal. The smell that the chicken eaters feel from mutton is due to the pee poking the fucking goat has been doing while alive. Anyways once dead, who cares what the goat has been doing while alive. We all make mistakes afterall. Who amongst us can testify of not getting 'Offside' every once in a while.

Then there is a third type of people. Who swing both ways. Who don't mind what's on their table. They are the real deal. They are neither left nor right. They are the middle finger. In strictly legal terms they are the constitution of 73. They are the 'Khwaja saras' of food. Respect to these crows who eat it all and don't spoil a dinner with friends and family.

PS: After reading this a lot of you will say I don't give a fuck. No problem. What do you give then, a BJ? I am ready :)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Happy 'Chodan' August Mubarak

Yo Yo Yo.....this is the time we all do hawai fring don't we. It's just that part of the year, the day we got a chance to clean our shit with muslim showers. We finally became a free nation after years of british occupation and became an independent 'Muslim' state. But the founder was a secular so it should be a secular state. The only problem with that is it was formed in the name of religion so it should be an islamic secular state. Yeah its that simple, i don't know why people get confused about the 'ideology' of Pakistan. It's simple i.e; eat, sleep and masturbate (in ramzan only the first two oh sorry its ramadan).