Monday, August 29, 2011

Ramzan (Ramadan) Highlights.

After thirty days of fasting and steadfastly looting people in broad day light it’s time to celebrate a day of happiness i.e Eid.  It’s a blessed day as mosques are spacious and empty once again, people are now back to lying, cheating and stealing once again without using the name of God anymore. I write strictly with the Pakistani perspective not because the rest of the world is shit free but when you yourself are in shit of your own you don’t get to squeeze your nose and raise fingers towards others.

Firstly it was the most commercial ramzan ever (yes I know its Ramadan). We had the localized version of American Idol the major difference ofcourse was that it was a ‘Naat’ competition and the judge was a fudge. Luckily I didn’t see a single episode of it but the idea of Mr. Owais raza whatever trying to do a Simon Cowell is a huge turn off itself. Then we had JJ ‘bhai’ doing his ‘halal’ stuff. The question I have is, is earning (or giving away) crazy amounts of prize money by answering simple questions moral? let alone 'halal', in a country where every one out of three persons is living below the poverty line. Anyways it was JJ ‘bhai’ so I don’t want to be an enemy of Islam here. Lastly we had Amir liaqat Hussain, ‘Sar deobandi Ya Ali Ali Ya Ali Ali’ with his ‘sehr o iftar’. The guy is an absolute rockstar. The popularity he has gained over the last couple of weeks is astronomical. He has surpassed Eminem in the race for most abusive words in public. I would just say that this nation has done to him exactly what he said in that dubbed (my arse) video. ‘Chod do’ he said ‘Chod do’ we did.

Then there was a small matter of atleast 150 people killed in Karachi in the past thirty days. I don’t know how can people have ‘Shabeenas’ and go out shopping  and act super cool when you know that hundreds of thousands of people are going through a humongous amount of pain and despair around you. But it’s in us muslims we are robust and tough. Not like the ‘kafirs’ of Oslo who are saying that they’ll need a recovery time of a decade or so. It would have been ok had it been women saying that kinda shit but even if men need a recovery time it has to go down to the mere fact that they don’t go through circumcision, poor souls really.

Moving on we had a small matter of Hina Rabani khar. The cool chic became the youngest and the sexiest foreign minister of Pakistan. Allegedly she carried a hand bag of worth around 2 million Pak rupees to a country where people smell like curry. Everybody has had an opinion about her, all the cool bloggers/tweeters are on her side similarly are those who think below the belt. I would tend to go along that notion too as I think she is a perfect representative for our nation because she looks something else and sounds something else. She can go hip hop to ‘eastern’ ways with ease. She like a lot of ugly tards in the parliament is a feudal. So she is perfect for us because she is a hypocrite. Moreover I’d rather have a sexy hypocrite than a kasuri one.

Towards the end of the month we had a Zulfiqar mirza. Yes its not a grammatical mistake we really had a Zulfiqar Mirza. All what he said was totally Zulfiqar mirza. He acted like a Zulfiqar mirza. He behaved like a Zulfiqar Mirza. He swore like a Zulfiqar Mirza. He accused like a Zulfiqar Mirza. He used faith like a Zulfiqar Mirza. He was just Zulfiqar Mirza. Last time he did a Zulfiqar Mirza fifteen people died in Karachi and Hyderabad. But I don’t blame Zulfiqar Mirza for that. I mean what can Zulfiqar Mirza do when people eat apples and call it a banana. So well done Zulfiqar Mirza (I really like fehmida ;) ).

In the end I will talk about the Moon sighting of Eid. Pashtuns already have sighted the moon with the Nato Telesopes that they take from the Nato trucs like 'Maal e Gahnimat'. Amazing people really, every year they do this and still complain about the pathan jokes (which I don’t endorse at all). To add mufti to injury, we will have a bunch of fat boys sighting the moon tomorrow, who to be honest don’t know shit about astronomy and moon cycles and stuff. Who if they  had been women wouldn’t know about their menstrual cycle let alone the moon one. But still we will celebrate Eid. We have to. Like everything else it’s a ‘Rasmi karwai’ we have to go through. My message to all will be on Chand raat when you do hawai firing make sure it’s done safely, I mean wear a condom or something.

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